Suzy Bauer’s Step by Step Threesome Erotic Blog

Oh my god, I just re-read my post yesterday and I’ve noticed an amazing amount of typos and grammar mistakes! Yes, my native tongue is not English BUT I normally do better than that, I guess it was the effects of the alcohol and excesive sex on the weekend.

This morning a friend of mine send me an email and at first I laughed but afterwards a bit disturbed 

 Please read the email forward (That was supposed to be funny):

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

> During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
> I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
> The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
> 54 times the sheets were clean
> 17 times it was too late
> 49 times you were too tired
> 20 times it was too hot
> 15 times you pretended to be sleep
> 22 times you had a headache
> 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> 16 times you said you were too sore
> 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> 19 times you had to get up early
> 9 times you said weren’t in the mood
> 7 times you were sunburned
> 6 times you were watching the late show
> 5 times you didn’t want to mess up your new hairdo
> 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> 9 times you said your mother would hear us
>
> Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
>
> 6 times you just lay there
> 8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling
> 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
>
> KEEP READING…….
>
> =====================================================
>
>>
> TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
> I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn’t
> get more than you did:
> 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
> 36 times you did not come home at all
> 21 times you didn’t cum
> 33 times you came too soon
> 19 times you went soft before you got in
> 38 times you worked too late
> 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
> 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
> 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> 98 times you were too busy watching TV
> Of the times we did get together:
> The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
> I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, “Would you
> prefer me on my back or kneeling?”
> The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
> breathe.

What a horrendous thing!  

My question is why do this boredom never happens to swinger couples?

I think the answer is obvious!

xoxo

Suzy

I got this email a few days ago and thought it was worth sharing.

Indeed I think some things will never make sense to me lol!

EVER WONDER where we are headed…

Why the sun lightens our hair, but arkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don’t ever see the headline: “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why abbreviated” is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do practice”?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid
is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called “Broker”?

Why there isn’t mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food hen it has a “new & improved” flavour?

Why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport “the terminal” if flying is so safe? AND…

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping”. (Darn, and that’s the only time
I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.

Details inside. (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap”. (And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost”. (But, it’s just a suggestion).

On Nanna’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down”. (Well…duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating”. (And you thought????…)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: “Do not iron clothes on body”. (But wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drivea car or operate machinery after taking this medication”. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:”Warning: May cause drowsiness”. (And…I’m taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only”. (As opposed to…what?)

On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use”. (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On Nobby’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts”. (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts”.
(Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)

I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one: On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly”.

On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals”. (Was there a lot of this
happening somewhere?)

Crazy isn’t it?

This reminds me of Jay Leno’s Headlines.

Here’s a funny video of What Jay found on Ebay show “real life stupidity”

I received this email and although I know is old it is still funny and accurate so I thought it would be good to include it for you guys to read:

 FEMALE GEOGRAPHY

- Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and
full of mysterious, fertile deltas.

- Between 21 and 30, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for
trade, especially for those with stacks of money.

- Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full
bloom, aware of her beauty.

- Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a
pleasant destination to visit.

- Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by
the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is the only answer.

- Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined
frontiers. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.

- Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great
conquests, but without a future.

- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan : many know its whereabouts, but
no-one dares to venture there…

MALE GEOGRAPHY

- Between 15 and 70, a man is like the USA : ruled by a dick…