Suzy Bauer’s Step by Step Threesome Erotic Blog

Oh my god, I just re-read my post yesterday and I’ve noticed an amazing amount of typos and grammar mistakes! Yes, my native tongue is not English BUT I normally do better than that, I guess it was the effects of the alcohol and excesive sex on the weekend.

This morning a friend of mine send me an email and at first I laughed but afterwards a bit disturbed 

 Please read the email forward (That was supposed to be funny):

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

> During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
> I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
> The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
> 54 times the sheets were clean
> 17 times it was too late
> 49 times you were too tired
> 20 times it was too hot
> 15 times you pretended to be sleep
> 22 times you had a headache
> 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> 16 times you said you were too sore
> 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> 19 times you had to get up early
> 9 times you said weren’t in the mood
> 7 times you were sunburned
> 6 times you were watching the late show
> 5 times you didn’t want to mess up your new hairdo
> 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> 9 times you said your mother would hear us
>
> Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
>
> 6 times you just lay there
> 8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling
> 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
>
> KEEP READING…….
>
> =====================================================
>
>>
> TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
> I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn’t
> get more than you did:
> 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
> 36 times you did not come home at all
> 21 times you didn’t cum
> 33 times you came too soon
> 19 times you went soft before you got in
> 38 times you worked too late
> 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
> 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
> 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> 98 times you were too busy watching TV
> Of the times we did get together:
> The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
> I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, “Would you
> prefer me on my back or kneeling?”
> The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
> breathe.

What a horrendous thing!  

My question is why do this boredom never happens to swinger couples?

I think the answer is obvious!

xoxo

Suzy

Dear Friends, first of all I want to wish you a very happy St. Valentines Day.

I am out of my office on a business trip and will not be returning home, for a few days.

These past few weeks besides my “normal” work, I have also been really busy finalizing everything that needs to be done for the launch of my latest project. That I will call: “The Threesome Pickup Artist Secret Society” . Soon I will let you know how you can be a member of this exclusive group of people.

In the mean time I wanted to share with you what I’ve been reading and I think is very relevant to St. Valentine!

Have you ever heard of Abby Lee?

She’s the author of a really interesting book called: Girl with a one track mind. I was really pleased reading this book as it describes how much millions of women (including me) crave sex and how bad men are in figuring out how much we want it.

Here’s an interview Abby had in the Sharon Osbourne Show, I recommend you watch it and read her book, it’s really good.

You can also read Abby’s blog to get a feel of what I am talking about.

Click here to go to Abby’s Blog

Happy St. Valentines day and keep an eye for my “Threesome Pickup Artist Secret Society” Launch announcement!

Suzy